Pop quiz: what sex-and-scandal filled teen drama features a group of impossibly pretty friends living in a seemingly idyllic wealthy enclave, mysterious, teasing text messages from an anonymous but all-seeing observer, and an ethnically-ambiguous girl who occasionally locks lips with other girls?
If you answered “Gossip Girl,” you’re correct. (Remember the threesome, in which Vanessa got it on with Hilary Duff?) But if you answered “Pretty Little Liars,” ABC Family’s answer to the CW’s flagship drama, you’re also correct.
Try to summarize “PLL” for someone who’s never seen an episode, and your synopsis will sound like nothing more than a list of names accompanied by scandalous modifiers: The blond, Hanna, is a former bulimic with a shoplifting problem and an absentee father. The ambiguously ethnic one, Emily, is an athlete hiding her bisexuality. The brunette, Aria, lived in Iceland for awhile, hooks up with her English teacher, and kept the secret of her father’s infidelity from her mother. The other brunette, Spencer, is an overachiever with a habit of stealing her older sister’s boyfriends. All four were once BFF with Alison, a queen bee who disappeared a year ago under mysterious circumstances—and who had some serious dirt on each of our four heroines.
Got that? Good. Tonight’s first season summer finale tied up a few loose ends while leaving the show’s most important mystery—the identity of the malevolent “A,” who’s been torturing our Pretty Little Liars via text since Episode 1—unsolved. Considering the book series on which the show is based lasted four volumes before identifying A, then had a new A start messing with the PLLs in the next installment, we can expect the writers of the show to drag this out for awhile longer.
The episode’s dramatic conclusion takes place in the woods, where most of the show’s characters have gathered for mean girl Mona’s “glamping”—that’s “glamour” mashed up with “camping”—birthday party. Before we can get there, though, each girl has her own individual storyline to wrap up.
Hanna and her mom are trying to deal with their sudden reversal of fortune. Mrs. Marin can’t pay her mortgage, and there’s a chance they’re going to lose their house. In order to avoid that, Hanna’s mom takes desperate measures: stealing wads of cash from the safe deposit box of an old lady who’s a client at her bank.
Meanwhile, Hanna finds herself on thin ice with Mona after she fails to meet her for a weekday shopping excursion. But she’s resolved to attend Mona’s birthday party despite being uninvited, since A has sent the PLLs a text saying that he or she might reveal him or herself during the shindig: “Camp Mona’s a scavenger hunt and I’m the prize. Come and find me, bitches.”
Aria tries to bring some order to her chaotic house and is metaphorically sucker-punched when A puts a book in her locker that contains a poem written by Mr. Fitz, the English teacher. The poem, called “B-26,” is evidently about her: “It’s a number. / It’s a song. / It’s a girl,” reads the first stanza. (The next stanza, though, is a total mystery, meaning-wise: “Smooth. / Pearl joy packed. / Gold falafel, / as though ice.” …Huh?)
She confronts Mr. Fitz in his office, telling him that he should have fought for her if he truly loved her. Aria’s current crush, the nice and age-appropriate Noel, almost overhears their heated conversation. Notably, Noel and Mr. Fitz look exactly the same.
Spencer tries to make peace with her sister, Melissa—partially because Ian, the boy Melissa dated and Spencer surreptitiously macked on, is back in town. We see in flashback that Alison saw Ian and Spencer kissing.
Emily juggles seeing her quasi-girlfriend Maya with the return of her soldier father. Her mother knows that Emily’s leading a double life—she’s somehow got a hold of photos of the two girls kissing—but she doesn’t let tell Emily that she’s onto her. Emily’s also shocked when, as she’s driving to Mona’s birthday party, she discovers that there’s a stowaway in her car.
It’s Toby, the prime suspect in Alison’s murder. The police have just discovered a tape Alison made the day she died, in which she speaks to an unseen viewer about how she knows he wants to kiss her and wears a man’s sweater. The feds have deduced that the object of the video is Toby, even though everyone remembers Ali absolutely despising him. According to Toby, though, he’s innocent. He did meet with Alison right before she died, but it was only to thank her for inadvertently helping him break off a relationship with his stepsister. He tells Emily that he saw Ali leave their meeting by getting into a car with another guy—presumably, the person at which her video was actually directed.
Toby’s made plans to skip town, but it’s not meant to be—he’s apprehended by the cops before he can make his getaway.
As Toby’s getting cuffed, Aria, Emily, and Spencer are making the most of Camp Mona. Hanna’s sneaking into the woods, determined to beat A. at his or her game. Just as the PLLs decipher a note left for them by A., indicating that they should take a trip to a nearby playground in order to find answers, Aria gets a text from Mr.Fitz asking her to meet him.
Emily and Spencer walk to the playground, where they find a tree that has a message carved into it: “Alison + Ian.” So Alison’s mystery man was Melissa’s boyfriend! Meanwhile, Aria meets Fitz and they have a steamy reunion—one that’s witnessed by Hanna, who happens to be in a nearby clearing with binoculars.
She’s in the right place at the right time, because as Aria and Fitz are getting it on, a hooded stranger sneaks up to Fitz’s car and writes “I SEE YOU” in what looks like blood on the rear windshield. After seeing this, Hanna writes her friends a text: “I know who A. is.” She asks them to meet her in a nearby parking lot.
The other three come together and spot Hanna. Hanna walks towards them. But before she can unmask A. once and for all—SLAM! A car comes out of nowhere, hits her, and drives away. Then Aria gets one last text: “She knew too much. A.” As the episode closes, Emily screams for help as Hanna lays on the ground, deadly still.
Think you know who A. is? Think the writers do? Think “Pretty Little Liars” is juicy enough to be more than a “Gossip Girl” ripoff? Sound off in the comments.
For more on the show, go to ‘Pretty Little Liars’: Troian Bellisario on the Summer Finale
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